Things You Should Not Do When A Patient In Hinchingbrooke Hospital

• Make sarcastic comments about nurses.
• Make sarcastic comments about doctors.
• Make sarcastic comments about support workers.
• Make sarcastic comments about ward managers.
• Ask ward managers if they think they own the place.
• Burst out laughing uncontrollably when they reply in the affirmative.
• Monopolise the TV in the Games Room, even if no-one else wants to use it.
• Monopolise the computer in the Info Zone, even if hardly anyone else wants to use it.
• Sneak into the staff-only library in order to use the computers there after being thrown out of the Info Zone.
• Use said computers in order to find game walkthroughs.
• Use said computers in order to read mindless smut.
• Walk around grinning evilly so that everyone gets worried about what you're up to.
• Contrive to find innuendos in everything staff members say, and accuse them of having dirty evil minds.
• Stick up notices saying 'ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE' on the doors to the wards.
• Stick Occupational Therapy sticky-back plastic all over the glass window on the door of your room to stop the light coming in at night and waking you up.
• Paint the glass window black with Occupational Therapy poster paint when the sticky-back plastic is discovered and removed.
• Deny that there is anything unreasonable about doing this.
• Refer to staff members as 'whassisface'.
• Refer to staff members as 'Lord/Lady Muck'.
• Refer to staff members as 'elephants' rear ends'. Even if they are.
• Sneak out of the ward without telling anyone where you are going.
• When told off for doing any of the above, smile widely, nod, then as soon as the person telling you off is out of sight, do it again.

I love doing things I shouldn't. ^__^